Monday, April 18, 2011


"An idle mind is the devil's playground"

... and that might hold true for me at present. I am starting to contradict myself yet again.

Natapus na ang aking three month chastity project... and I'm not even sure about it? I was struggling at first, got the hang of it for a while, pero honestly I did miss it. I do miss being touched. I miss making love. I miss the hugging and cuddling.

At some point, I just told myself, "kaya ko naman, kung gugustuhin ko"...

Pero sa three months na yun, not that I was somewhat expecting to meet someone special to sweep me off my feet... I still had the same problem...

So OK, I look a lot better than I ever did years ago
So OK, I went places, tried new food, had fun travelling
So OK, I tried a little bit of culture for a change

... pero I still feel lonely T_________T

I read books. I'm still stuck with page 223 of Eat Pray Love. Nakakaumay din pala pag sobrang witty on every page parang di na masyadong kapanipaniwala that her life is as interesting as she narrates it.

Inabot na ako ng Holy Week, sa sobrang delay na ginawa ko, nagclose na yata yung part time-regular call center gig sa Makati (aargh!). I could've used the money to furnish the condo and finance my daily expenses for my graduate school (that I haven't even looked into, just printed out the brochures).

Naiiinggit, naaasar, to the point na nagagalit na ako... merong mga bagay na makukuha ko if I really put my mind into it... but there are things I can never control or force or impose...

I don't think I need a person to be inspired and all.

I just feel lonely and left out.

I'm sorry if I tend to disappoint my readers.


  1. We do things because somehow we want to accomplish something. There are times that along the way, it seems like what were doing accomplishes nothing.

  2. Self-belongingness, this is how you feel right now and sooner or later you have to tell yourself you can be happy without the need for a person to be there.

    Take care and find yourself.

  3. Parehas talaga tayo Seth (except for the bottom part, LOL). I think if magiging single ako, hahanap-hanapin ko rin agad ang may nilalambing at niyayakap. Sa tinagal ko na nasa relationship, hindi ko na sure if kaya kong maging single ng matagal. :(

    1. Pag goodlooking saka masaya personality, di nagtatagal na single. Naks!