Monday, September 30, 2013

The Mascot

He loved watching war movies. He taught me about the warring countries long before the history books bored me further than names, dates, and details than what I was willing to remember for the tests. He spoke of cruelties, torture and traps, violent and gory details I could never counter check with my plain textbooks. I learned of strategies I never thought could be possibly useful in daily life. I was a kid? Drawing a picture was more of a mental challenge. He wanted to become a soldier. He ought to make a career out of it. I recall Mama even teasing him of taking extra units of ROTC then but never really attempted to sign up for the PMA. Whenever Papa gets to meet strangers who lived during the WW2, he would always make it a point to set up a drinking session to engorge himself with more stories of the past. 

When I got into highschool, got more exposed to World History more than what I felt was necessary, I finally found a workaround through my social life (to be part of a group, almost any group), please my Papa, and be closer to Fed

"I made it to S3." I told him one morning.

I should've taken a photo of his face brightening up. A minute later my hair was all scruffy and he was hugging me tightly. 

"Bili na tayu uniform mo!" he exclaimed.

That same day we got pretty much everything I needed including shoe and metal polish. He felt so proud that I could comprehend the "commands" even if my voice wasn't deep enough to sound strikingly convincing. I showed off that I could handle a rifle, though I told him I liked the sword better since it was light and shiny :)

Papa also fancied martial arts. All of it. He would be pretty much be watching in jaw dropping awe when the protagonist is a soldier with hand combat skills after running out of bullets. I was impressed. But I'd really prefer to be an audience.

Some afternoons when I'd rather sleep or play outside (teka, I was 8 ulit, reset! LOL) he'd force me to watch tapes of tutorials and read scrolls (scrolls talaga?) of Aikido techniques. I never really paid attention. He never stopped. 

One morning he woke me up earlier than usual. It was a Saturday. He asked me to take my shirt off, assume the stance, and start punching with matching "hiyaaah!" for emphasis ... in the balcony, in full view of the rest of the neighborhood. It wasn't long before the other children noticed and started pointing and laughing at me. I was small and lanky and I started crying. I begged him I wanted to stop.

On some occasions, he'd test my will by asking me to punch him in the face and he'd just use one arm to deflect it. It was tempting, but I'm sure we all knew how that would end.

I got my chance in school though? One kid punched me in the face and cracked my front tooth. When I recovered I broke his nose and he ran off crying. I just thought of my Papa's face and since this boy didn't have such huge arms he couldn't possibly deflect mine.

I still got bullied on some days, but they always formed in groups. If I managed to grab one of the guys they know I can do an arm lock and they'd be face down on the floor. Why oh why doesn't the enemies attack one at a time like on TV?

Whenever I came home dirty, torn uniform, school stuff missing, I always kept it to myself. Unlike the other kids, I don't have a bigger older brother to run to. I was the bigger older brother of myself. I started to resent Papa because he wasn't there to defend me at all. He leaves home early morning, come home for lunch, then would only be back late at night. He was busy working, he often explained.

I just stopped caring.

Once a year, the subdivision would hold a Christmas party. I loved parties especially games with prizes. My Papa was one of the organizers and on his spare time he helped plan and decorate. I'd seen him come home tired but I'd prefer to watch TV. Hey, whatever distracts him from talking to me about boy stuff fine with me.

The day finally arrived and while I enjoyed all the food and games, the highlight was always the arrival of the mascots. 

"Wow si Jollibee!"

This guy was cool. His entrance was waving at the crowd while latched onto the handle bars of a jeepney. I was so slow and all the other kids swarmed around him. 

(if someone knows a better translation of "sumabit sa jeep", I want to know)

I wanted to get to hold Jollibee as if he was some sort of celebrity.

I held my hand, calling his name, hoping he'd see me though. If I could only keep my ground from being pushed back I'm sure he'd see me. Little by little the mascot made his way, and he was coming straight towards me! I must've been very lucky to be on that spot! What surprised me more was when he got in front of me, I hugged him, and the mascot hugged me back.

It just felt so good. He was too big my arms couldn't possibly locked in that embrace.

The other kids envied me for receiving that kind of treatment. There was nothing special with me at all?

I was so ecstatic about it that when the party was over I came home running to tell everyone about it!

I held on to that happy memory until I was 12 and Mama told me it was Papa all along...

I'm almost 29. I'm living with Munchkin and three noisy dogs.

I never really got along well with Papa, especially when he threw a beer bottle at my door after finally confirming I was gay. I ran away from home that same day.

I seldom visited. We still spoke very little. I got so comfortable never talking to him. 

He's still very much alive. But how we treat each other is a lot different.

I think I know what I want now for my birthday.

I wanna give the mascot one big hug this time before it's too late.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Halfway there

I am turning 29 next month. On the 15th to be exact. While other people try to compensate and willfully deny their own mortality, I have managed to embrace it.

Back then, I used to squirm at the sight of old skin. I see them often on the streets. People grew darker, with spots on their faces, wrinkles, and the texture that either looked transparent or leathery plus the fact that it sags. For a year or so I became so overtly conscious about skin care. No matter how tired I was, I never went to bed without washing my face and applying my regimen. I spent for all of those products. I never went out without applying sunblock until the day I went back to Boracay and soaked up the sun! Now, I really don't care much about sunblock.

I love watching movies but there were a few I never really understood. There were some that I thought I liked, but can't recall as to why. Thank God for torrents, I was able to select as many titles as I wanted! Some movies I was able to appreciate more, some didn't really make sense at all, some I can't even figured why I was scared or shocked or even mystified at all.

I used to pity myself for being alone, for not being popular, not having many friends or gifts during holidays. I used to feel so unworthy someone will like me at all. Then came a time I could hardly be alone, surrounded by so many people and I could pretty much get almost any guy I fancied. I'm still not getting that many gifts though? heheheh

I became in love. Maybe I thought I did. I finally got to experience things that couples do and share, fun happy orgasmic and sometimes heart break. My mother used to tell me not to be too happy, for time will come I'd be extremely sad as well. Promises made, promises broken. Lies. Too many lies it's quite hard to tell anymore which one was real?

Then, slowly but surely, everything slowly falls into place. 

I didn't really need that many pairs of shoes or shirts. Just a few nice ones.

Buying gifts and spending on people is better than receiving yourself.

Dogs will always give you their heart no matter what. Hungry, hurt, or thirsty, your attention will be their sole fulfillment.

Laugh daily.

Love will always find you when you least expect it. 

I haven't made a fortune. I have yet to travel to Europe. I have yet to perform on my own stage!

I will continue to sing even if it's good enough just for my own hearing :)

You never really know how much time you have left. But the moment you realize and appreciate what you have, and feel gratitude...

Heaven is near. You're halfway there.


PS. I am willing to accept gifts pa rin ha? LOL

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Friday, September 6, 2013

O asan na?

"Papalitan din kita", sabi nya sa akin noon...

Pero sa Facebook nya ngayun...


Ganun talaga. Pag di kayu nagtagal, ibig sabihin, not meant to be.

Ibig din sabihin mas sasaya ka pa sa makikilala mong iba.


Sunday, September 1, 2013

Bakit ba tayo nagagalit?

Sa totoo lang, napakadalang kong manuod at magbasa ng balita kasi umiiwas ako sa stress tungkol sa mga bagay na hindi ko naman magawan (o kahit sinu pa man) ng paraan para tapusin? At the end of the day, marami pa rin akong bayarin at sariling issue, so bahala na ang dapat makialam.

Ang hirap naman na hindi mapansin sa Facebook ang dami ng taong galit at lumalait sa mga Napoles. Sa totoo lang, naka ilang beses na ba tayung namangha sa mga kayang bilhin at gawin ng pera ng mga pulitikong tayu tayo rin naman ang bumoto?

Ang pagkakaintindi ko sa sitwasyon, hindi naman si Janet Napoles ang "master mind". Paano ka magiging master mind ng isang grupo kung ang mga taong kasama mo ay di hamak na mas mayaman, mas kilala, at mas makapangyarihan kaysa sa iyo? 

Hindi siya ang pinuno. Hindi niya ideya ito.

Ang nakikita ko, kailangan lang ng mga pulitiko ng "puppet" na tatanggap ng pera, para pag doon idinaan, hindi na mahahalatang ibabalik din naman sa kanila, pero siyempre, may kumisyon ka na rin di ba?

Mukhang simple lang naman? Money laundering. Pera nga lang galing sa buwis ng mamamayan.

Napaisip lang naman ako, bakit ba tayu nagagalit?

Dahil ba namuhay sila nang marangya? (Anu naman ang bago dun?)

Dahil ba niloko (na naman) tayu ng mga pulitiko? (Nakailang ulit na rin)

... o dahil ba may isang taong nakalamang sa atin at ayaw natin na may kinaiinggitan?

Simple lang naman ang Money laundering. May ipapakitago/ipapakidala akong pera. Doon sa halaga, may kumisyon ka.

KUNG hindi mo alam para saan gagamitin
KUNG hindi mo alam saan ito galing
KUNG wala naman ibang makaka alam

Makikinabang ka na rin naman. Maubuhay ka nang marangya.

Magagalit ka pa rin ba?