Thursday, September 1, 2016

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Hear ye hear ye

WHAT : Well I was thinking of setting up a mini gathering for bloggers and readers (aka EB or eyeball; OMG uso pa ba yung term na yun ngayun?)

WHY : Nothing really close to saving the world but of all the bloggers I have subscribed to like I only get updates like every 3 or so months. (What has social media done to us!?)


WHERE : QC area. Maginhawa or Tomas Morato

WHO : I have asked Sepsep and Vic Saudad, both have expressed interest

Vic wants to bring along Mamon...

then why not invite as many people as we can! ^__________^

WHERE ULIT : I am considering a spacious venue with free flowing food and drinks (para isang bayad na lang and malakas naman talaga akong kumain)

What do you guys think?

Friday, December 4, 2015


He spoke about it before with a sparkle in his eye and it never waned. I know he wanted it. Badly.

The company will be expanding in the southern city and being a member of the training department will eventually require expansion and/or relocation.

My condition was very simple. If you go there, we'll break up. Period.

I am not being a jerk. I know what it would mean to his career. Heck, the place is even a stone throw away from Boracay so you could practically be in party paradise every weekend?

We talked about it before. I even jokingly said, his manager would have to arrange a meeting with me and the dogs. I am keeping the dogs by the way.

But then the real issue would be I am anticipating he will slip sooner or later. I would rather not be complacent with this matter. You know, it did happen recently right under my nose and I thought everything was going smoothly.

So I said to him, while still in bed:

"I am going to tell you how I think... I don't really wish to hamper your career growth. I know it will be exciting to pioneer something in a new place. But then, place into perspective ... the Patrick incident.

At a time when,
I thought all is well
We made love every now and then
We eat and sleep together
I kiss you when I leave and arrive from work
We go out on weekends

... and then a Patrick was hidden all along in between those times we were together.

So how can I be so sure this time that I would be miles away?

I'm sure you'll be meeting someone there. You will have needs. We can't afford flying to and from Manila every weekend, that would be quite exhausting as well."

Joms only replied: "I understand and I thought you already trusted me."

He got up from bed and prepped for work.

I never replied to that but in my head "I would rather not risk it. You haven't been to that kind of situation for me to have confidence you can endure. Besides, this is your first time in a same sex relationship, the longest even to date."

I have seen myself miserable before.

I have seen myself breakdown in sorrow and disappointment.

Why take a risk of getting hurt again when I can just let go now?

Self preservation.

I managed to be alone before. I can do it again. I would rather not be miserable and hurting.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Bury the hatchet

It was supposed to be just a normal shift at work and my Facebook stays open through my phone...

... until one peculiar notification...

"Mark followed you at 10:01 PM"

WTF. Anu na naming kalokohan ito!? Teka meron bang something special sa September 15? Parang wala naman... ah yeah. Reference nga pala naming ang 15th bilang "monthsary." First time din naming ginawa sa kwarto ko noon sa Cainta nung 19th birthday ko.

Oh well.

Sakto, online din ang true friend nyang si Gladys. Chinat ko.

Seth: finollow ako ni Mark sa Facebook. Anu meron? hehehe. Nakaprivate naman profile ko, wala siyang makikitang posts or pictures unless nakapublic. Kamusta na sya ngayun?

Gladys: Ha? Uy bago yan ah. No idea din ako why. Wala naman siyang nabanggit sakin. Busy sa duty nya bilang Anes. Kamusta ka? One month na lang... Happy Birthday to you na !!!

Seth: I knerr hihihi. Teka, bakit bigla nya akong naisip? Ilang beses na kami nagkasalubong sa Wensha na kasama ko bf ko now. Lagi naman siyang mag-isa. Tanguan lang. Di naman kami nag-uusap. hehehe

Gladys: Ay na mention nya sakin yon. Maybe nasagi ka sa isip nya...

Seth: kesheh? Are we ready to be friends again? (after 6 years) Echos!

Gladys: Maybe that's why... at least masave ang friendship...

Seth: Hmmm... whatevs. I-add ko na ba si kuya? Mukha siyang malungkot actually everytime nagkikita kami. I was kinda hoping nakahanap na siya ng bago by now.

to be continued...

Saturday, August 1, 2015

These dreams

I am the kind of person who barely remembers dreams. I learned in school then that dreams are somewhat fragments of our subconscious thoughts and realities that arise when we sleep.

The First.

Joms and I once visited his hometown in Nueva Ecija. It was a quaint and peaceful town and probably the only fun I got was riding a rusty old roller coaster from the perya at the time. One night back in Manila, Joms woke up crying. He cried so bad I woke up to see what upset him and he told me of a dream. He said he pictured the time when we did rode the roller coaster and for some reason during one of the last and fastest revolutions, I got thrown out of my seat and my body couldn't be found. He was relieved I was there when he woke up. He said he couldn't imagine his life without me.

The Second.

...then there's You. You whom I haven't really talked about at all in my blog. I have pretty much talked about most of the guys I was in a relationship with and dated except You. 

I still see You in my dreams sometimes. The only last glimpse I saw was when you joined this other blogger's trip to Baguio. I've been there more than 10 times. I am glad you finally took a shot at travelling. I couldn't tell if you were having a good time with your company.

The Third.

I miss Japan. How I wish I could've stayed much longer. I will definitely be back next year if not sooner.

The Fourth.

I couldn't remember if I went to bed upset. In this sequence I was in an argument with Joms. He disappeared for a long time and for some reason I was living comfortably and he suddenly came back.

Joms : "Why didn't you look for me? Did you even try?"

I was unable to provide an answer. 

This time I woke up in tears and felt relieved Joms was just sleeping beside me.

The Fifth.

You see, I haven't been totally honest with You. 

I was actually sleeping around probably during our second to third month and that was when I met Joms.

I wasn't really sure if I was thinking straight at the time. I only liked a single entry from You. I kept it. It was my ideal day. My dream day. You pictured it out so vividly I could almost taste it.

So when the time came when we started chatting via Skype and I've shown you my face I could tell you were pretty much turned on and you were shirtless as well. I asked, no, demanded You to come to my condo unit and fuck me. I was probably very firm for You took a taxi within an hour and we were in between the sheets. You were smaller in height but rather compensated in size. I can still remember carrying you and pinning you to the wall while we kissed and I straddled you like crazy you didn't last very long.

The lust had faded and I am vulnerable. You have a way with words and I was lonely for the longest time. Besides, you painted the best day one could ever have. Just like that we became a couple without much after thought. I haven't really gotten to know each other. I was much older as well. I decided to try it out anyway.

First few days were fun. You told me people at work and his family suddenly saw the change in his aura. He was happy. I was happy. For a time that is. I still had to convince myself someone so small and frail could possibly keep up with me.

Then one small thing ticked me off.

At the heat of the moment You asked me to "bottom" him. I know. Am I not the legendary power bottom and now I have to relinquish my crown? I didn't mind at the time. I sometimes ask when I feel like it but it is almost rare when I do. I did my part. You seemed to have changed from being the small but rough top to the frail and dainty bottom... I felt powerful.

After tryst, You got up, went through my pile of clothes and picked up a long sleeved shirt of mine and put it on. 

"I've always dreamed of wearing a boyfriend shirt...."

at that moment, I died.

There can't be two princesses in my castle. I made a mistake.

I had to recharge my bottom prowess. I had to find more dominant tops to reassure myself. It was convenient. I own the place. I dictated the time when we could meet. My rules.

... one of the guys I was fooling around was Joms, who happened to live just a few blocks away. How convenient. He seemed to be the perfect top. He also expressed genuine interest in something more than fuck buddies and we started dating as well.

I reduced the days with You until eventually he got the idea I was no longer interested. It seemed Joms would be a more practical choice. Someone who could keep up with me. I needed more brawn and muscle and the sexual appetite of a genuine top.

I planned on how to break up with You.

And just when I thought I could make things seamless. I tried to ensure that neither one would know the other, they did...

It was customary to write on the lobby guard log book before entering the premises. I've invited You to tell it to him in person. I asked him to come in the first day in the morning of my day off. I can tell he was expecting it. He couldn't do anything. I stopped wanting him.

I just gave a lame alibi. It didn't change the fact I also felt differently between us now. I had to end things sooner or later.

Later that night, I asked Joms to come and visit. He cleverly befriended the guards they seem to make them think he already lives with me here. However, at that time he decided to check the logbook that day. 

I had a visitor.

He knocked on my door in tears wanting to understand why I had a visitor and I promised to not invite strangers anymore.

Now I had to tell the truth about You.

I was free now. Joms and I worked on getting to know each other better.


July 28th, almost a month after discovering about a certain Patrick. I was ambivalent whether Joms and I should still celebrate our usual monthsary.

Seth :  "I don't know if we should. I wonder if there is another date you had in mind, something related to your memories with Patrick that I didn't know of. Things seemed to go back to normal but every once in a while I never relaxed. Maybe we just managed to survive. No reason to spend a fortune on a lunch buffet." 

Joms :  "Weren't you genuinely happy these past few weeks? I made you laugh and smile didn't I? Were you only half hearted then?"

Seth :  "Perhaps. I am still unsure how to think about it. I just take things one day at a time. It still crosses my mind."


The Sixth.

I woke up from a dream now with clarity in mind. I finally knew what I wanted.

I was drawn back in time and in my dream, I was unable to manage and prevent Joms and You from learning about one another and meeting each other. It was messed up. Messy messy messy. I had to explain one lie after another as it had gotten so complicated.

In the end however, I didn't end up with either of them. The future changed.

I wondered what it might be like if I never stayed with Joms? I might be in a completely different person. I might be in another job in yet another company. I might not have been able to have dogs at all?

I couldn't handle the drama and I woke up. This time I wasn't crying.

I opened my eyes and Joms was sleeping beside me. I told him about the dream. I told him I finally made up my mind.

Despite what happened, I want to make it work. It will be hard to forget but then it would also be harder to go back into the dating scene. I'd rather not go through that kind of shit again.

I did make it very clear though.

I find it unacceptable that I shared my history and then he'd give me his version of it and hurt me. I understand he may not have as much experience in gay relationships as I do. I wouldn't want to see the same treatment, the same sweet nothings being said to another person other than me.

"Sa susunod na may mahuli pa akong ibang guy... ibuburol kayung naka couple outfit."

And I haven't dreamed ever since.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Walang forever

I have been very quiet these past few months. I have been busy with work primarily and during my free time I would really rather to detach from the world and sleep. Everything just seemed right: the usual stress from commuting and work, spending days with Joms, movies and dining out.

Joms works as a Trainer somewhere in QC. For the last three years that we have been together, I have never really questioned his loyalty. I am very much aware how we started. He was the one who wanted to change what we are and worked hard to prove that he is trustworthy. We worked on that trust part. I spilled all the dirty deeds and secrets together with my hopes and dreams. Here again is my broken heart. Please don't make a burger out of it.

Just when I thought I've done everything right and I am the happiest point in my life compared to all my previous relationships... this happened.

Siguro dapat nilinaw ko talaga muna ang lahat.

Minsan tinanung ko si Joms:

Seth: Bakit mo ako mahal?

Joms: Kasi nagkaron tayu ng spark. Hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit at ayaw ko na malaman kasi kapag ganun baka magbago isip ko or something.

Tumigil na ako noon.

Honestly I didn't see it coming.

What I did notice was that:

He suddenly became "happier"
There was always a reason to stay longer in the office
He always hanged out with this "Wave" that was the coolest he met (according to him)
They have this group chat on Viber and his phone keeps on beeping

I sensed something weird but I usually let it pass. I never checked his phone or messages. I never had the reason to.

However, this bond seemed to excessive between a Trainer and his class.

And so one day after coming home from work, I saw him in bed asleep and decided to check his phone once and for all. Yes there was a group chat. Until I checked this private conversation with a guy named Patrick.

My heart died with every scroll on the message thread.

I remembered him saying: "We have this two people that we teased until they finally admitted they liked each other..."

Little did I know he was referring to himself.

I took photos. Sent them to several people. Confronted him.

He didn't think I was serious. "Wala lang daw yun"

Until I told him I read the private chat he had with all the sweet nothings, the memories, and the agreement to wear a couple outfit.

Seth is sad.

and is still sad until now...

Monday, April 27, 2015

Throwback Monday : PR edition

1. Multivitamins (#8767426) - [13. Sep. 2011 - 11:19]
Maganda ka sa likod tol, puede masilip ang taglay mong kagandahan.

2. Lightbolt (#8160439) - [13. Sep. 2011 - 11:22]

kaw walang pic

3. Multivitamins (#8767426) - [13. Sep. 2011 - 13:27]
Hahaha wala nga akong pic pro ako naman ang best catch sa site na ito.

4. Lightbolt (#8160439) - [13. Sep. 2011 - 13:28]
naks! ikaw na! hehehe

5. Multivitamins (#8767426) - [13. Sep. 2011 - 14:40]
Cp no? Meet you tonight

6. Lightbolt (#8160439) - [13. Sep. 2011 - 14:41]
got work at 10pm-7am i can only play during daytime

7. Multivitamins (#8767426) - [13. Sep. 2011 - 15:28]
Ok, your loss, 8 inch long here, 2 inch ang lapad at gasantol ang bitlog

8. Lightbolt (#8160439) - [13. Sep. 2011 - 15:30]
awww maybe next time.

baka di ko rin kayanin ganyan kalaki

thanks for your consideration

9. Multivitamins (#8767426) - [13. Sep. 2011 - 15:32]
Ok bye, now or never. @ md/ceo guapo guy here, ciao.

10. Lightbolt (#8160439) - [13. Sep. 2011 - 15:33]

TC :)


1. good-friend (#3997885) - [26. Aug. 2011 - 23:23]
We got a looooong weekend ahead of us. That means you might have a lot
of free time. Ride me, will 'ya?

2. Lightbolt (#8160439) - [26. Aug. 2011 - 23:24]
lemme see what ya got

3. good-friend (#3997885) - [26. Aug. 2011 - 23:25]
Good girth

4. Lightbolt (#8160439) - [26. Aug. 2011 - 23:27]

face or body pics?

5. good-friend (#3997885) - [26. Aug. 2011 - 23:29]
Lemme see yours, too.

6. Lightbolt (#8160439) - [26. Aug. 2011 - 23:30]
hmm not your best pic yet

7. good-friend (#3997885) - [26. Aug. 2011 - 23:33]
Yeah. Well, cameras have never been good to me.

8. Lightbolt (#8160439) - [26. Aug. 2011 - 23:35]
youre in a cocktail party looking.... constipated? hehehe

well maybe we can make you orgasmic



1. marcovallerosa (#6682810) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 01:51]
parang gusto ko din mag comment sa guest list mo brod ah. marc here.
power top. san ka sa qc?

2. Lightbolt (#8160439) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:24]
proj 3

3. marcovallerosa (#6682810) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:25]
what time later?

4. Lightbolt (#8160439) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:27]
huh? may lakad ako eh

5. marcovallerosa (#6682810) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:27]
allright. kelan ba pwede?

6. Lightbolt (#8160439) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:29]
hehe may pila kasi kaw ba kelan ka usually free?

game ka sa 3somes?

number mo?

7. marcovallerosa (#6682810) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:31]
sure. yours?

8. marcovallerosa (#6682810) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:32]
san ka banda sa project 3 brod?

9. Lightbolt (#8160439) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:32]

dick size mo?

10. Lightbolt (#8160439) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:33]

11. marcovallerosa (#6682810) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:33]
weekends free ako starting friday midnight....

12. marcovallerosa (#6682810) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:34]
6 inches but energized and powerful

13. Lightbolt (#8160439) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:35]
hahaha hanep sa adjectives

panindigan mo yan ha, powerbot ako

14. marcovallerosa (#6682810) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:35]

15. marcovallerosa (#6682810) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:37]
hahaha then meet the powertop

16. Lightbolt (#8160439) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:38]
we'll see about that

17. marcovallerosa (#6682810) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:38]

18. Lightbolt (#8160439) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:39]
sabihan kita

19. marcovallerosa (#6682810) - [20. Aug. 2011 - 04:41]
hope this weekend...