I'm really not in the mood.
I haven't written much recently for I fear I might pour out too much negativity in my output. In as much as I really want to meet up with friends and talk about it, I chose to distance myself a little bit, perhaps I can try to sort out things on my own.
I feel like almost everything I run into, gets hurt destroyed or damaged in one way or another.
One.
I only got one job and my online business isn't doing as well as before. I actually lost about 75% of my clients and thus affecting my sales, because of certain news features.
A single text from Mark made me lose focus on whatever I intended to do for that day so I decided to sulk in bed and sleep on it.
Two.
I am careful most of the time, but for the past 24 hours I already accidentally stepped on two people's feet. It's embarrassing that I have to say as many "sorry's" while they're writhing in pain.
Twice have I resorted to alcohol just to shake it off and probably get a goodnight's sleep.
Two. People have I met through my blog. First one, didn't turn out very well.
Double. Me. Well, not exactly. I made up an "imaginary boyfriend" and used an extra sim that I have to text Mark and probe as to why he had to get in touch with me. He said it's got something to do with the remaining stuff I had at the condo. I don't intend to get them anymore. He'll be the one to decide how to get rid of them. Hope that'll be the last time I hear from him. Ever.
Twice have I gotten sick over a month's time with only two weeks in between and I am still coughing just as bad until now. My sister even told me I sound like my father when I cough and I noticed that myself. I never smoked at all.
Two. People whom I really really really really really really miss a lot. David and Jason :'(
Three.
It's already my third month within the company and I still have yet to prove that I can "do" outbound sales. I did happen to get lucky last week to hit my goal for three days so I got to take home a few goodies.
Thrice have I called in sick. Well, only once did I really feel ill enough to come to work. The other two, I just didn't feel like it? I know. Attitude. But I just don't see myself coming to work at all. I'm aware of the consequences. I love the people I work with. It's me who has these "issues".
Three months time. I'll be turning 27 soon. Not sure how I want my celebration? And I'll be missing two people again :'(
And when I thought I had everything planned out. I get distracted in the middle of it, trying to juggle everything, or lose all of it altogether ?!
Something I can't afford to happen. It shouldn't happen if I could help it.
I wish I was just dreaming. I have to deal with this soon. Real soon.
if i may just give some unsolicited advice:
ReplyDeletethe inevitable turn of this suffocating sadness and negativity is self doubt and beginning to compare your life and others.
Why are they happy? Why am i miserable?
Don't.
A good friend reminded me once, "never compare your life to others because you have no idea what their journey is all about."
You are tenured enough in this industry and this life to easily give up. Sabi ko nga sa mga ahente, pag tenured ka na there's no such thing as skill issue, will issue lahat yan.
i hope you sort things out soon! kayang kaya mo naman lahat ng problema na yan eh! hindi ko kilala ung taong nagsusulat ngaun na parang talong talo na. yung kilala kung ung laging lumalaban at alam lahat ng gusto nyang gawin. kailangan mo lang siguro mag-adjust muna sa work. masyadong kang naprepressure. oi lumagpas na ang tuesday!
ReplyDeleteMukhang 2011 was one of your worst years ah... Well, malalaman ko pa if tama ako once mabasa ko lahat. :)
ReplyDelete