Darker shade of Green

OK. 


May Pilyo at Dark Knight.
May Mugen at Wimpy Kid.


Pero meron pa akong dalawa pang bloggers na sinusundan, lest I know the other is single and one is in an open relationship


To actually read about a saga of their hookup is just... hmmm... painful.






I'm jealous.


I really like the other guy. *sigh*

------------------------------------------

^.______________________.^

mali daw hula ko, YEY !!!

Romeo(s)

OK. 


So I have already confessed to the entire blogosphere that I have given up my goodie goodie stilettos and have .... tadaaah! Registered another Planetromeo account.


Why? It's the most popular and the easiest way to meet and find guys conveniently sorted according to city with unlimited viewing and messaging. A feature and service Manjam has yet to emulate. In as much as I want to try Grindr, it is still limited to a certain niche of the population who owns Mac and Blackberry gadgets. I had a glimpse of it once, the crowd is a lot better if you ask me.


Anyway, when I'm home, I only have three tabs open on my browser: Facebook, Blogger, Planetromeo. I would just leave it parked the whole day as long as I'm indoors.


Statistics for April 19th, 2011:


Visitors : 107
Footprints given: 120
 - about 30 guys whom I gave footprints thanked me and messaged me back
 - 12 of which asked for an exchange of face pics
 - only 3 sent their face pics but we stopped chatting afterwards
 - the rest of the 9 simply ignored me after I sent them photos
 - one demanded we go cam to cam, didn't work out as well
 - I got invited to 2 group sex events, which didn't materialize at all
 - around 50 guys who messaged me I didn't reply back at all
 - only ONE guy thought I was cute (ouch! that hurt my ego a lot)


After one full day of cruising in between chores, sleep, meals, and choreo practice, I wasn't an inch closer to getting laid?


And all the while I though to myself I looked a lot better compared to 3 years back!?


I forgot to mention I attended this small seminar by my gay organization, sponsored by TLF to refresh our knowledge about STD - HIV AIDS awareness and I finally got to meet Humphrey Gorricetta in person!? I must say I was a bit starstruck because he looked damn good !!!


I told this to one of my good friends who works for an organization dealing with HIV AIDS and he even told me that out of 45 referrals he gets daily (recent stats given to us were about 5 people get infected in a day), only two are little monsters, so it's like having a cast of models into your office !?


He even told me he's being surrounded my too much yummy eye candy he feels "ugly" doing the emotional support at times. Perhaps, because these guys are so goodlooking, it's not that hard for them to find sex! I mean who would be stupid enough to turn down such an offer eh?


I never imagined it can be an "occupational hazard" especially if you're not too careful?


Anyway, perhaps rejection is some form of God's protection. I may not be blessed with that much aesthetic qualities because perhaps He anticipated that I might put myself and others more at risk.


Tomorrow is another day.

Stuck

"An idle mind is the devil's playground"

... and that might hold true for me at present. I am starting to contradict myself yet again.

Natapus na ang aking three month chastity project... and I'm not even sure about it? I was struggling at first, got the hang of it for a while, pero honestly I did miss it. I do miss being touched. I miss making love. I miss the hugging and cuddling.

At some point, I just told myself, "kaya ko naman, kung gugustuhin ko"...

Pero sa three months na yun, not that I was somewhat expecting to meet someone special to sweep me off my feet... I still had the same problem...

So OK, I look a lot better than I ever did years ago

So OK, I went places, tried new food, had fun travelling

So OK, I tried a little bit of culture for a change

... pero I still feel lonely T_________T

I read books. I'm still stuck with page 223 of Eat Pray Love. Nakakaumay din pala pag sobrang witty on every page parang di na masyadong kapanipaniwala that her life is as interesting as she narrates it.

Inabot na ako ng Holy Week, sa sobrang delay na ginawa ko, nagclose na yata yung part time-regular call center gig sa Makati (aargh!). I could've used the money to furnish the condo and finance my daily expenses for my graduate school (that I haven't even looked into, just printed out the brochures).

Naiiinggit, naaasar, to the point na nagagalit na ako... merong mga bagay na makukuha ko if I really put my mind into it... but there are things I can never control or force or impose...

I don't think I need a person to be inspired and all.

I just feel lonely and left out.

I'm sorry if I tend to disappoint my readers.

Any takers?

Touch. I miss.

Wala na bawian?

Does saying "i love you" seals the deal that... err... we're a couple?

(IKR here I go again)

Seeing Green

Sorry for being such a mess and thanks for the "hug orgy" LOL. Naloka ako dun Nishiboy!




I have been a little confused for the past couple of days.


Tapus na vacation.
Nakaraos na ang break up date.
Nakalipat na ako a new condo.
Nakaraos na ang 3 mos chastity.


... kept asking myself... ok... what's next?


I should be working on getting a job and preparing my credentials for the masteral application but I seem to be procrastinating over something I couldn't point a finger on. I tried to hold off everything until it feels like "ok-I'm-ready-now".


Pinalampas ko na din muna ang isa pang hallmark sa buhay ko - 1 year friendship namin ni Jason* , marked by the Live AIDS show sa UP Diliman.


Enjoy naman kami, pero mas nagustuhan ko ang production at storyline last year. Mas tawang tawa ako doon at andami nilang naging hirit.


Well, meron din naman kaunting "perks" ...

MAY CUTIE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Kaso nga lang meron siyang kasamang di naman masyadong cute pero mukhang mayaman... feeling ko tuloy "alaga" siya. Shet lang di ba. Ang nagagawa nga naman ng salapi? Tapus meron pang isa pang grupo ng beckie na sinusubukan din aurahan si Skater Cutie Boy !? 


Samantalang ako watching from a distance lang. Ching!


Talaga naman panay ang aligid nila, gusto ko silang ipakain sa giant snake.


















Mejo mahirap siyang kuhanan pero nung nakatiyempo naman ito na ang best shot na nagawa ko...


Pagkatapus ng play, dumiretso naman kami ni Jason papuntang Trinoma para mag dinner at coffee. Kumain kami sa Cyma, Greek cuisine. Hmm... may kamahalan pero masarap naman? Nagugulat nga lang ako pag meron silang dish na may flambe tapus bigla silang sisigaw ng di ko maintindihan. Lerki!


Kwento kwento... Tapus biglang nabanggit ni Jason na meron na ulit siyang bagong dinedate... yung kanyang photographer... si Caleb*


"Uhmmm.... ok so I presume dun lang din kayu sa photoshoot nagkakilala?"


"Yep tapus panay na text niya sa akin."


"I see. So gaano mo na siya kakilala?"


"Di pa masyado, pero natutuwa ako, gusto ko na siya... jinojowa na nga ako"


"Toink. Binigyan ka lang ng attention, mahal mo na?" OMG. Sinu nga ba naman ako para magsalita eh talaga namang record breaker ang 3 day love affair sa gym dabah?


May tumawag sa celfone ni Jason. Napansin kong mejo nag iba ang boses niya, may kaunting lambing. Pagkababa niya ng phone...


"Hmph. Jinojowa pa daw. Eh halata namang kayu na."


"Hahaha... mejo."


"Ambilis ah. Parang wala pa yatang 1 month since nag break kayu ni Leo* pero parang di ka naman masyado nadevastate dun unlike kay Gino*"


"Binibigyan kasi ako ni Caleb ng attention, yun lang naman ang gusto ko madaling mahulog loob ko sa ganun."


"Amf. Kaya ko din naman yun ah!" PAKK !!!


Tawanan.


Hay naku. Eh alam ko naman kasing topakin itong si Jason. Gusto ngayun, magbilang ka ng ilang araw, magbabago isip, parang di na daw siya masaya na wala na spark etc. Ewan. Kaya mabuti na lang naging friends na lang kami? hihi.


"Manunuod nga dapat kami ng sine, sa may Shangrila"


"Eh andito ka na sa Trinoma, pupunta ka pa ng Shang? Bakit taga saan ba siya?"


"Sta. Ana Manila."


"Mas malapit nga ang Shang... pero isang MRT ride lang naman Trinoma, papuntahin mo na din siya rito para mameet ko siya... mejo makilatis din. hehe" sabi ko.


May tumawag na naman. Sinu pa nga ba?


Di nagtagal dumating din si Caleb. Simple lang naman siya. Presentable. Malumanay magsalita. Malalim ang boses. Mainit naman pagbati niya sa akin...


Kwento kwento. Naging topic ang pagka exhibitionist nitong si Jason.


Hindi na kasi ito ang unang beses niyang nagpaphotoshoot. Ang common theme ng portfolio niya? Felix bakat. AS IN.


"Pinakamarami kaya nagcomment sa FB dun sa pic ko?" sabi ni Jason.


"Naku. Eh bakit naman hinde? Eh parang nagsusumigaw at gustong kumawala nung bumubukol sa harap mo? Sinasadya mo pang kuhanan na erected talaga. Di na sila tumitingin sa "artistic" value ng photography ni Caleb, agaw eksena kasi ang bukol" sabi ko.


"Eh sa totoo lang ayaw ko nga ng ganung poses eh pero siya ang may gusto? Pag di ko naman ginawa baka sa iba pa pumunta, mahirap na?" sabi ni Caleb.


At dahil dun. Like ko na siya. May sincere concern para kay Jason kahit papaano. Hindi siya mismo ang nag eexploit sa kanyang models. Sa totoo lang, sa trabaho naman niya I'm sure marami pang mas maganda katawan (at bukol) kesa kay Jason.


Pinakita niya sa iTouch yung iba pa niyang ginawa. Naexcite ako! Sayang. Walang bluetooth gusto ko pa naman ng copies? LOL


Habang abala ako sa pagkalkal ng pictures... naglalambingan yung dalawa...


Aaminin ko na... naiiinggit ako. Wala na kasi akong nilalambing? *sigh*


Ilang sandali pa, nagpaalam na din akong umuwi. Di ko na keri manuod pa ng cheeziness. 


"Bakit ikaw Seth? Wala ka bang dinedate ngayun o finiflirt?", tanung ni Jason.


In my head bigla ko naisip yung 10 hit combo ni Lili, extended pa ng bound move. GRRR.... pero love ko si Jason. Sa imagination ko lang siya kayang saktan. Sayang din ang 50k niyang nosejob kung sisipain ko lang.


"Err... wala? Kailangan ba? Di pa ako ready eh... wala pa akong nakikilala" sagot ko...


Hindi ko naman kasi iniisip yung mga ganung klaseng bagay na kailangan pilitin ko agad makahanap... pero pag may nagtatanung... dun bumibigay ang denial ko...


Kaya ako nalulungkot...


And knowing Seth, isa lang ang patutunguhan ng lahat...

At siyempre ako lang kumain mag isa. 


Salamat sa mga nag hug!

Seth is sad

I need a hug.